


In the Moment

by mrs_leary (julie)



Series: Translations [2]
Category: Merlin (TV) RPF, Translations - Friel (National Theatre) RPF
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Theatre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 14:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18661945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/mrs_leary
Summary: Colin and Tomiwa became friends with benefits early in the run of Translations. At least, that’s what Colin thinks they are. They’ve never really talked about it, or tried to define it. Maybe it’s in danger of becoming something more complicated … ? Colin is relieved that the production will soon be over - but then it’s announced that the run is being extended for another month ...





	In the Moment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bunnysworld](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnysworld/gifts).



> Written for the **Merlin RPF Promptacular Fest of 2019** , with thanks to **bunnysworld** for the prompt! 
> 
> This follows up on my earlier fic **Dangerous Delights** , but I think it can be read as a stand-alone.

# In the Moment 

♦

♦

The evening performance was over, and most people were bustling around, getting ready to leave the theatre as quickly as possible. Colin was taking his time. His costume was hanging neatly on the allotted rack, and his face was scrubbed clean. He was dressed in t-shirt and jeans – but he was still barefoot, half the contents of his backpack were spread across his dressing table, and he’d let himself be distracted by one of the books he was currently reading.

Seamus, with whom Colin shared a dressing room, had left ten or fifteen minutes ago. The surrounding rooms, and the rest of the theatre, grew quieter and quieter. And still Colin read on. 

Until at last there was a gentle knock, and a polite moment later Tomiwa opened the door just wide enough to look in. Colin put his book down, and grinned – which was invitation enough for Tomiwa, who came inside, and firmly closed the door behind him. 

“Hello,” said Tomiwa in that gorgeous voice of his, the tone calibrated perfectly to fill the room with warmth but not carry any further at all. 

“Hey,” Colin replied on a breath. 

He got up and took the two strides necessary to stand before Tomiwa. They considered each other for a long moment, Colin’s gaze roving restlessly around that face as if he’d never quite grasp all the beautiful details – and then he pushed in close to start a hungry kiss. Tomiwa groaned and responded in kind – so Colin pressed him back against the door, his hips already beginning to rock in a small arc even while the kiss continued, even while he delved hands between them to unfasten Tomiwa’s trousers and then his own jeans. 

Soon their cocks were freed, but there was still too much in the way for them to meet flesh to flesh. Colin broke the kiss just long enough to lift his own t-shirt up and over his head so that it stretched across his back from shoulder to shoulder. Then his mouth was gobbling up Tomiwa’s again as his hands fumbled down the buttons of the man’s shirt. 

Tomiwa knew what was wanted, of course. He slipped his hands around Colin’s waist and down into his loosened jeans to spread hard against Colin’s rear and haul him as close as possible. Once his shirttails were out of the way, their cocks finally clashed together, and both men hissed at the sensation. Colin pressed closer still, wanting to feel Tomiwa’s chest against his as well, needing to feel the drag of the other man shifting against his nipples – 

But they were a mismatch somehow, perhaps due to the three-inch difference in their heights, and the closer Colin got, the greater the arc that his hips rocked through, the more of a shambles it all became. 

When Colin lost his nerve, sagging a little against the other man, Tomiwa broke the kiss and huffed a quiet laugh. “We’d better save that for another day,” he suggested, still warm, still engaged, despite Colin’s failure. “When we have a bed available, perhaps.”

Colin pulled away a little, letting his head fall forward to avoid Tomiwa’s clear gaze. Colin didn’t want to think about beds and all they entailed. Not yet, and probably not ever. What he had in the here and now was plenty.

“Let’s try this instead,” Tomiwa continued undaunted. And he was pushing away from the door to regain his feet, and backing Colin a few shuffling steps across the room, until Colin’s rear was propped against his dressing table. “There we are,” Tomiwa murmured. 

That dealt with the height difference well enough. Colin planted his feet firmly on the floor, spreading his thighs just wide enough to let Tomiwa press in close against him. This configuration wouldn’t work the same way – he yearned uselessly for friction against his chest – but Tomiwa wrapped up both their cocks together in one hand, starting a dragging stroke up and down supplemented by teasing caresses from his other hand. 

Colin slid his own hands into Tomiwa’s trousers to shape themselves around the man’s gorgeous rear, to massage his strength and encourage his rocking thrusts. He needed to lose himself again, so he leaned in to restart their kiss – and soon Tomiwa was grunting deep in his throat in such a way that Colin wasn’t sure whether he was hearing it or feeling the vibrations. Colin let a groan build through all of him, a gut-deep groan that spilled from his throat even as his come pulsed messily, delightfully between them – a moment later Tomiwa was shuddering, too, and they each had to grasp hard in order to stay upright.

A few breaths later, they were calm again. Tomiwa met Colin’s forehead with his own, and gently rolled his head from side to side, just a little. It felt happy. It felt affectionate. And Tomiwa was smiling as if perfectly satisfied. 

Colin found himself surprisingly reluctant to let go of the man, but of course he must release him. Let Tomiwa clean up a little and rearrange his clothing. Put himself to rights. They separated, and Colin slowly followed Tomiwa’s example. And then they sat in the two chairs available, and shared Colin’s bottle of water between them, Colin’s smile responding with a disturbing lack of volition to Tomiwa’s. 

It was … Well, Colin hardly knew what it was exactly. But it was good. And somehow, oddly, quite unlike anything he’d ever had before.

♦

Colin and Tomiwa walked down through the almost empty building, and left through the stage door. They were just about to part with their usual low-key acknowledgement – a lifted hand from Tomiwa, a nod from Colin, one last exchange of complicit smiles – when there was a low call: “Yo, Colin! Tomiwa!”

Colin looked, and there was Rupert’s tall frame, unmistakable though he was turned away, helping someone down from their perch on the wall round the garden beds – and that someone was Angel. The four of them ambled together across the broad expanse of paving. 

“I didn’t know you were here tonight,” Tomiwa said in easy tones. “You saw the show?”

“We did,” said Rupert, “and you were marvellous – you were both marvellous.”

“It’s true, you were,” Angel agreed.

“Thank you,” said Tomiwa.

“Thanks,” said Colin. 

“Oh, it was our pleasure, absolutely.” Rupert had been looking at them, glancing from one to the other, his friendly smile slowly curling into something rather wicked. “And I’m guessing it was _your_ pleasure even more so,” he concluded in his ironic teasing tones. “Looks like _you_ thought you were both marvellous, too!”

Tomiwa laughed in uncomplicated amusement. Teflon Tomiwa. But Colin was sure he himself was looking self-conscious. Betraying his confusion. Had their smiles been _that_ obvious? Were either of them actually looking well-shagged?

“No wonder you took so long …” Rupert paused for thought, but apparently couldn’t find a different phrase, “coming out. I mean –”

Tomiwa was laughing heartily by now. In contrast, Colin’s mouth was all scrunched up. Afraid that anything he said right now would do more harm than good. After all these years – decades – of keeping himself to himself, he should be better at this.

“Leave them be,” Angel chided, digging her elbow into Rupert’s side.

“Ow!” he protested. “I just meant they must have enjoyed their _performance_ … even more than we did!”

Tomiwa apparently thought this was hilarious. Colin scowled. But surely they were neither confirming nor denying Rupert’s supposition. Maybe they could get away with this. He wasn’t sure about Tomiwa, but Colin wasn’t keen on coming out – to _anyone_.

“Did you want to grab a drink?” Angel asked. “With me, anyway. We can send Rupert home if he’s misbehaving too badly.”

Rupert cried out brokenly, and mimed being wounded in the heart. 

“Sure, we’d love a drink,” said Tomiwa. “Wouldn’t we, Colin?” After a beat he added with a wink, “It’s thirsty work, after all.”

Rupert and Tomiwa cracked up with laughter all over again. Colin thought about making his excuses and escaping. But then Tomiwa placed a friendly hand on his shoulder and shook him a little, and to his surprise Colin found himself agreeing with a nod. “All right.” Maybe it was the wise thing to do. The expected thing – or the unexpected thing. Colin had lost track. But at least, to judge from Rupert’s quizzical brow, it might keep them guessing, anyway. 

♦

Tomiwa was kind to Colin after the next evening’s show. He didn’t say anything when he came to find Colin, but instead lifted both hands to gently cup Colin’s face, and he pushed up to begin kissing him slowly, sensually, while his fingertips caressed the tender skin behind Colin’s ears and down his jugular. 

The sweet sensations soothed him, seduced him. Soon Tomiwa was pressing him back to sprawl in a chair, and kneeling between his spread thighs – and then Tomiwa undid Colin’s shirt and spent an unconscionable amount of time paying attention to Colin’s nipples, as if aware that Colin had felt the lack the previous night. Colin groaned in surrender, and let his head fall back. 

Was this an apology from Tomiwa for encouraging Rupert’s suspicions? An expression of concern for Colin being so disconcerted? Colin hardly knew, and feared in that moment he hardly cared. The two of them had begun by talking throughout their encounters, in a delightful meeting of minds as well as bodies, but these days they were almost wordless. They just got down to it, and then parted. Was that good or bad? Colin had lost track of all kinds of things. Was he himself silent because he was afraid of saying too much? 

Tomiwa’s hands slipped down and spread against the small of Colin’s back, prompting him to arch up with a hiss of breath as Tomiwa’s tongue lapped down his sternum, then down his belly. Those hands eased lower, encouraged Colin to lift his rear just enough to let them slide his jeans and briefs down to the top of his thighs. As soon as his cock sprang free, Tomiwa devoured it, and Colin betrayed himself with a ragged cry. It felt so fuckin’ good he hardly even cared, and a moment or two later all rational thought fled …

Tomiwa made him feel exquisitely vulnerable, Colin reflected afterwards, as he hauled his clothing back into place and then sprawled again in boneless lethargy. And he’d spent much of his life ensuring he never felt vulnerable in an environment he couldn’t control. As an actor, fine. That was the job. As a person, well … he’d rather not, thanks all the same. But Colin’s body responded to Tomiwa, and he seemed helpless to prevent it. 

He sighed, and accepted the water bottle Tomiwa brought to him. Took a swig. Responded to Tomiwa’s smile just as helplessly.

“All right, Colin?” Tomiwa murmured, soft and rich as velvet. 

“Yeah. More than.” He made himself relax into a grin. Fake it till you make it. “You?”

“Oh, yes. Very much so.”

Tomiwa sat, and they shared a contemplative silence. Colin, despite his wary thoughts, felt comfortable. And it occurred to him that maybe that meant it was OK. Maybe his body’s responses meant that Colin trusted Tomiwa at some fundamental level, beyond thought. Maybe his physical instincts were wiser than his mind, more perceptive than his emotions. 

Surely that made this less scary, right? Surely it did …

♦

Richard let them know he’d be attending the show with a friend one evening a few days later, so of course they couldn’t keep him waiting afterwards. Tomiwa and Colin headed down to the bar as soon as they were ready, to find Richard and another man sitting at a table with a bottle of red wine and four glasses. 

“Hello!” Richard called as they approached. “How lovely to see you!” And as they were sitting down, “Colin, you were wonderful, so intense. What a journey you went on! And Tomiwa, just as wonderful, utterly charming. That’s so much harder to do than it looks.”

They thanked him, and were introduced to the friend, name of Javid, and Colin swallowed two huge mouthfuls of the wine. 

He was on edge. Partly due to the lack of sex that evening, which was ridiculous given that he was currently getting _plenty_ and actually he’d have thought he might even be glad of a break. Partly because he was curious about Javid, who appeared to be of Middle Eastern background and of middle age, somewhere about halfway between Richard’s age and Colin’s – all of which was absolutely _fine_ , of course, neither good nor bad, but Colin wondered how they’d met and if they were _together_. Which of course put him even more on edge because it was none of his business, just as he and Tomiwa were none of anyone else’s business – but Colin couldn’t deny he _wanted to know_. And mostly Colin was on edge because Tomiwa was, as usual, coping with all this far better than he was. 

Tomiwa was so smooth, so at ease. So urbane. Colin felt like a clumsy git beside him, and crushingly self-conscious. He’d thought he was so much better than this at hiding himself away behind a wall of sociability. But then perhaps that was always going to be more of a challenge around Richard, with whom Colin shared so many traits. 

Heavens, and now Javid and Tomiwa had discovered a shared interest in ancient literature, whether Greek or Avestan, and were talking excitedly about things academic and their favoured translations and what a tragedy it was that x, y and z texts hadn’t survived, and so on and so forth. Colin groaned internally. He liked to think of himself as intelligent and well read, but this was all way beyond him. He scooped up his wine glass and downed what was left.

“Javid,” Richard quietly interrupted.

“Yes, my dear … uh, Richard?”

“Would you and Tomiwa mind ordering us another bottle of wine? Choose something more expensive, if you like. I think we’re all due a celebration.”

“Of course.” Javid smiled a bit bashfully, and glanced at Colin before beckoning to Tomiwa. “Come along, my friend.” 

The two of them got up and headed for the bar, still talking away. Which left Colin and Richard considering each other very carefully. But Colin couldn’t resist. With his lips curling into a knowing smile, he said, “So, you and Javid, huh?”

Richard nodded, and let Colin glimpse something of his happiness. “Yes. And you and Tomiwa … ?”

Colin shrugged. “Yes. In a way. I don’t know that it’s … very serious.”

“But it could be,” Richard persisted. 

Another shrug, and he repeated, “I don’t know. We haven’t … spoken.”

“I think it’s an excellent match. It reminds me of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy.”

Colin would have spat out his wine if he had any. “Erm …” He had too much respect for Richard to dismiss this unexpected notion out of hand, so he mentally scrambled to come up with some kind of meaning he could live with. “Oh, like, because he has English lords and Ghanaian emperors in his family tree, and I’m just a nobody. Not even a gentleman’s daughter, come to that.”

Richard huffed a laugh, but shook his head. “No, not at all. I was remembering what Mr Bennet said to Elizabeth. If I may adapt it to suit: _I know your disposition, Colin. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable unless you truly esteemed your partner – unless you looked up to him as a superior. My friend, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life._ ”

“Oh,” said Colin. “Oh. D’you really think that …”

Which was when Javid and Tomiwa returned. They were too busy talking between themselves to notice that something significant was being shared at the table, which was just as well. Or maybe they were just too tactful. The two of them sat down, and Javid cheerfully poured out more wine – and Richard took the opportunity to say with a pointed look, “Yes, Colin, I really do.”

Well, then. 

♦

Colin couldn’t find Tomiwa the following evening, and couldn’t deny his heart shrank in disappointment – but then Tomiwa came to find him, his feet treading lightly and his eyes bright with mischief. “Come on! I’ve found somewhere,” and Tomiwa was taking his hand to lead him up through twists and turns of corridors and staircases, until they burst into an old property room. 

Tomiwa let go of Colin just long enough to quietly close the door behind them, and then he took his hand again, and they picked their way through to the far corner, where a convenient mattress awaited them on the floor. “Oh, the stories this could tell!” Tomiwa declared with a laugh. He was shifting down onto the mattress, tugging at Colin’s hand – and when Colin followed him down, Tomiwa began unfastening his own trousers. “Let’s try it again.”

“Try what?” Colin managed hoarsely.

“What we were attempting to do against the dressing room door the other night.”

_Oh, God, yes_ … Colin knelt up to lift his t-shirt back over his head again, liking the feel of it across his shoulders. Then he undid his jeans, and pushed them and his briefs down just far enough … Tomiwa was lying on his back, and was likewise exposing his belly and his cock – all of him so _ready_ for the experience, so _hungry_ for Colin – but Colin took a moment to cast an appreciative look over the whole, this beautiful man waiting for him, apparently as eager as Colin himself was … 

Colin didn’t make either of them wait any longer, but lay down over Tomiwa and was soon rocking his hips in a devastating rhythm, driving cock against cock, and kissing the man like a crazed thing.

♦

Afterwards they lay together in a loose configuration. It was the first time they’d held each other like this, if only due to the usual lack of appropriate furniture. Their embrace was warm, and kind, and … and strong. It was a lot. 

It was so much, in fact, that Colin just lay there, and let things go unsaid. It was better that way, surely. Eventually all the unsaid things would drift into the realms of the irrelevant and become forever unsayable. It was safer that way. And he only had to hold out until the last show on the seventh of July. Then he and Tomiwa would go their separate ways, and that would be that. 

In the meantime there was this profoundly comfortable embrace, made even more reassuring by the few niggling little discomforts. His arm going to sleep. His knee twisted askew. Tomiwa’s breath cool on his collarbone. 

Colin relaxed a little. This would do very well, just as it was. The fact that Tomiwa was absolutely the kind of guy you could take home to meet your Mum … That was, honestly, entirely irrelevant. 

♦

“What do you mean, they’re extending for another _month_?” Colin blurted into his phone.

His agent patiently explained again that _Translations_ had been so successful that the National Theatre wanted to extend the run until the eleventh of August. Then she cautiously asked, “Is that all right with you, Colin?” 

A meaningless question, really, because he was obliged both contractually and morally to continue with the production if he possibly could. And he was too professional to try to quit. “Yes,” he replied with a sigh, unable to avoid a grudging tone. “Yes, of course. Do whatever you need to. I don’t have any plans I can’t change.”

A few moments later he ended the call, and physically surrendered to dejection. It was a Saturday afternoon; the matinee was done, and the evening show would start in about forty minutes. And Colin had a lot of thinking to do. 

Tomiwa was a decent man, that was the problem, a sincere man, and worthy – and in many ways far too good for Colin. Far more than he deserved. Indulging in a few weeks of gratuitous sex was one thing. But beyond a certain point, they either had to end it or take it to the next level. And if they started seeing each other properly, if they committed to each other for not only _this_ moment and _this_ moment, but for all the moments to come, then inevitably at some stage they would have to come out. It might be delayed, it might be discreet, but Colin couldn’t expect Tomiwa to commit to a lengthy period – perhaps a lifetime – of secrecy. 

Colin sighed again. Of course he was getting well ahead of himself here, and Tomiwa might be perfectly happy to go his own way and leave Colin behind, even if they did continue through into August. But Colin knew that taking the next step would inevitably start him on a journey he had long wanted to avoid.

But if the reward was having Tomiwa Edun in his life … ? This beautiful, superbly intelligent, incredibly talented, reliably _decent_ man … ?

Colin snorted softly. Richard had already put him in mind of Jane Austen. _Coming out would be a heavy misfortune_ , Colin mused. _But the partner of Babatunde Adetomiwa Stafford Edun must have such extraordinary sources of happiness necessarily attached to his situation, that he could, upon the whole, have no cause to repine._

Seamus appeared in their shared dressing room just as the stage manager broadcast the thirty-minute call. He seemed surprised to find Colin smiling wryly, though he knew enough not to enquire too closely. Actors did not need to have distractions raised just before a show, unless of course someone desperately needed to air something. Not Colin, though. He wasn’t the airing type.

Though of course it wasn’t as easy as that. He was jittery all evening, and the entire cast and crew picked up on it. Colin could only hope it didn’t affect his performance and that the audience remained unaware of anything but his character’s journey.

He waited in his dressing room after the show was done, unable to settle to anything. Seamus finally left, throwing Colin one last puzzled frown. And then, a moment later – perhaps just long enough to watch Seamus safely down the corridor and into the stairwell – a moment later, the door opened, and Tomiwa looked in. “Colin,” he said. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes.” Colin stood. Took a step. Retreated. Shook his hands out, and wondered where to place them. “Yes, of course. Come in.”

Tomiwa came in, and quietly shut the door behind him. And then, instead of walking directly into Colin’s arms and kissing him, as he’d done so very often before, Tomiwa settled himself in Seamus’s chair. He waited a moment, but when Colin remained restlessly silent, Tomiwa ventured, “A month’s extension is quite the compliment.”

“Yes,” said Colin. 

When Colin didn’t offer any further thoughts, Tomiwa fell silent again, and let his gaze rest on the dressing room floor. 

The man was discretion personified, Colin told himself. He could trust Tomiwa, surely. His body already trusted him, Colin had established that. And his mind, too – intellectually he knew that Tomiwa would only ever have Colin’s best interests at heart. So it was Colin’s wayward emotions, perhaps, that needed reassurance. Which was ridiculous, he knew. He could trust Tomiwa.

Trust or a lack of it had always been the rock his relationships – or potential relationships – foundered on. Colin had long ago figured out what it would take for him to decide to come out publically. He’d need to trust the other person intrinsically. To never make a fool of him. To never expose him.

Oh, he’d been looking forward to the seventh of July and the end of the run with equal amounts of relief and trepidation … But now … now, when he was … damn it, _giddy_ with the thought of continuing with Tomiwa for another month. Possibly for a lifetime. 

He was getting ahead of himself again. But this would be the first step down that path. And he discovered that he wanted to take it. “Tomiwa,” Colin said, reaching a hand towards him. 

Tomiwa stood without hesitation, and took the two steps necessary to stand before Colin, to take his hand and hold it reassuringly. He looked at Colin with a gentle curiosity. 

Colin leaned in to press a kiss to the man’s mouth, a tender kiss, undemanding. Tomiwa returned the pressure perfectly. And then Colin stood tall again. He took a breath. 

“D’you want to come home with me tonight? Stay tomorrow, too, if you’re free. What d’you think?”

A moment passed while Tomiwa considered him, mildly surprised, but pleased. Definitely pleased. And then his gorgeous smile dawned, and he grasped Colin’s hand firmly. And he said, “Yes, Colin.” He said, “Yes, I’d like that of all things.”

“Good. Let’s do it, then.” And Colin led him out of the door and into the world.

♦

♦


End file.
